Domestic Disturbance
The Sordid Stepfather
There are many different types of movie reviews in this world, just as there are many types of people. Some people are cross and mean, and write movie reviews that are vicious and sarcastic. Other people are happy and joyful, and write movie reviews that are fun to read and informative. Other people are, well, different, and write movie reviews that are odd and twisted.
If you are the kind of person who likes any of these types of movie reviews, I suggest that you seek them out and read them instead of reading this particular review, which is filled with woe and misery. While this review is well-crafted and informative, it also describes depressing and fearful events in the life of a young actor. While it is my sad duty to write this review, it is not too late to close this window on your browser and read something more pleasant instead.
Domestic Disturbance features a young actor named Matthew O’Leary, who probably had a very good time making this movie, and may have had his own trailer, and may have gotten blackjack lessons from Steve Buscemi for all I know. However, his character, Danny Morrison, experiences several horrid and frightening experiences that fill my soul with terror to set down on paper.
First, before the actual events of the movie transpire, Danny’s parents decide to divorce. Divorce is involves two parents who enjoy fighting and arguing so much that they hire lawyers to help them. It is a sad and painful experience that I hope you never have to deal with in your own life, but sometimes it happens. It happens to Danny’s parents, and as a result, Danny becomes very sullen and angry.
Often, divorce strains relationships, and Danny has a strained relationship with both his parents. Fortunately, the part of Danny’s father is played by John Travolta, which is not as woeful a sign as you might think. Travolta is an accomplished actor, but one that has been unfortunate in his choice of roles. “Unfortunate in his choice of roles” is a phrase that here means “starred in such abominable crap as Swordfish and Battlefield Earth.” Domestic Disturbance is a much less ambitious movie than recent Travolta efforts, and it provides him with a less showy character. However, it works out to be a much better choice for him; it’s a role that he can handle without being irritating. Danny’s father is also a very human role, and Travolta plays him as a character with issues and flaws, but with loyalty and love as well.
Not too far into this tale of misery, Danny must deal with the painful reality that his mother is played by Teri Polo. Polo is also an accomplished young actress, but here she must play the part of someone who looks matronly. “Matronly” here is a word that means “made up to look ten years older than she really is in order to get the part”. Polo (who is fifteen years younger than Travolta) just doesn’t manage to pull off her part very well; she’s never quite believable or interesting in her underwritten part.
However, more horrible things are yet to come for Danny. His mother meets and marries Rick Barnes, a man with a sordid past who becomes Danny’s stepfather. Rick is played by Vince Vaughn, who does not have a single eyebrow, shiny eyes, or (presumably) the tattoo of an eye on his left ankle. Instead, he has a receding hairline, stubbly cheeks, and rubbery lips, which also serve to mark him as a villain. He pretends to be nice to Danny, but is so rich and obnoxious that Danny soon learns to despise him.
One rainy night, when a storm rips through the little town where Danny lives, he sneaks into the back of his stepfather’s Chevrolet Suburban, which is a large sport-utility vehicle. “Sport-utility vehicle” here means “a hugely monstrous truck that uses too much gasoline, pollutes the atmosphere, and is always parked next to the author when he tries to exit a parking garage.” Hiding in the back seat, Danny witnesses a horrible, senseless crime. He sees Steve Buscemi blatantly ripping off his previous role in Fargo. Fortunately, before anyone in the audience reaches for their cell phone to alert Joel and Ethan Coen of this wicked theft, Vince Vaughn stabs Buscemi in the back with an icepick. This is enough to kill him, but not enough to leak blood all over the pristine floor of the Suburban.
This does not end the parade of ghastly events that Danny is forced to witness. He sees his sordid stepfather - who, presumably, also saw Fargo, which is a bleak crime drama set in the Upper Midwest - carry Steve Buscemi out of the Suburban and carry him into a convenient crematorium, which destroys the body more efficiently than any wood chipper ever could. Danny escapes, informs his father of the murder, and they both visit the police department.
In the great tradition of tales of unfortunate events, the adults in the town do not have faith in Danny’s story and refuse to believe that Vince Vaughn could be an evil villain, despite his receding hairline, stubbly cheeks, and rubbery lips. Danny is sent back to live with his mother and stepfather, and undergoes even more gruesome and horrible experiences involving a baseball bat, a legal hearing, a missing wallet, and a local chamber of commerce awards ceremony.
At this point, you may wish to discontinue reading this review. If you like, you can stop now and imagine that Domestic Disturbance is a horrible movie, without any redeeming values. You can imagine that John Travolta turns in another horrible performance, or that Vince Vaughn completely embarrasses himself, or that Teri Polo starts screaming, “When is that Meet The Parents sequel supposed to start production!” and ruins the whole movie. You can imagine all these things, but they are not so.
Instead, I must tell you that Domestic Disturbance is at least mildly entertaining, and has a couple of rare, good moments. I must tell you that Travolta does not overact or chew the scenery, although one suspects that he might like to. I can tell you that the final fight scenes are not spoiled by ridiculous car chases or overblown musical scores or characters fortuitously slipping in puddles of spilled parsley soda, or any of the other stupidly baroque touches that spoil most action movies. I can tell you although Domestic Disturbance doesn’t meet anyone’s standards of excellence or greatness, it’s a nice little movie that is well-paced and meets its modest goals. In a movie year that has played like something out of a Lemony Snicket book, this tale of a sordid stepfather is, surprisingly, cause for optimism, confidence and hope.